SO A Long Process of Letting Go 1 (or ALPOLG1), which is my very first perzine, is finally done.
-Every page is a photocopy of the original hand-written accounts and letters.
-pages are not bound, but is held together by collaged pockets, making each unique
– there will only be 50 copies and each is numbered and signed.
$3 Paypal OR 1.50 + stamps through mail.
email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org before making any payments or to get my physical address.
Every cent I’ll earn from zines and crafts from today onwards, will be saved for a plane ticket. Why? Because i am dying to get back home. So consider this as helping me visit home again.
From the perspective of someone who has been there and is still going through it
PART I: Getting There
Uncharacteristically letting go of all sense of humility, I have always considered my self smart—above avarage at the very least. Since preschool, I have always taken the right path. Acing tests, participating in extracurricular and co-curricular activites; I’m one of those people who have always thought they knew that they wanted. I was exposed to a lot of things. I was an achiever (probably even an overachiever, depending on from whose perspective you’ll view it from).I wanted to change the world and make a mark… and I was out to go do it.
My parents were supportive, and my family was well involved. They give whatever Iwant and need to get through life and get whatever it is that I am for. They were not crutches though. I’d like tothink that they did not hold my hands all the way though; they just lead me through the first stepsbut have always let me decide my own path. I was always given choicesand treated as someone matured enough to think for herself.
So yes, from the very beginning until highschool, I had a very define sense of self. I had direction.I got to do whatever it was that I wanted, and the road to success seemed well paved. I took all extra classes to help me get ahead. I thought I knew what Iwas doing and where I wanted to go.
As early as around four, I already knew what field was meant for me. There were only two things I decided I was exeptionally good at: literature and computers. Come firstday of Kinder, my teacher asked what we wanted to be. My answer was definite. I was going to be a computer scientist and back then , not all homes even have acomputer—heck, a lot probably haven’t even used one) AND I was sure I was going to be a novelist too. To me, there was no question to it. I was going to do both.
Now, let’s fast forward a couple of years. Junior year. I was in what outsiders see as an exclusive school and the institution was giving a fair anout of career orientationsEvery few weeks, wehad panels fairly representing firrent fields of study to help us understand different career tracks, to help us decide our own. I was still pretty sure I am only consideringtwo options: computer science or literature, and I knew which top universitiesin the country specialized in them. I thought I had it all figured out.
We filled out application forms for different universities the summer prior to our senior year. While others applied to virtually every reputable universitiesin thecountry, I decided to apply only to what may be considered as the top four. The top university offered both the fields I wanted. There, I chose Computer Science as my first choice, Lit for second, and I didn’t put a third—I was pretty sure I will make it to the quota. There’s still somedebate on which oneis top 2 and which is top 3. But for oen, I chose computer science since they were reputable in technological fields; and for the other, I chose Literature because humanities and pre-Law was their forte. And the top 4 was more of a safety net.They are known for medical courses and I was pretty sure it wasn’t what I wanted (and that I won’t really attend university there unless all else fail)
Senior year was the time for the gruelling wait. One thing that you haveto note is that I was surrounded by other smart, well-rounded achievers. For my friends and schoolmates, it is crucial to get in to the top four universities. Not getting accepted in to any of the four felt like the apocalypse. So the wait was horrible. We knew the tentative dates of the results, so the anticipation as those dates wasfrightening beyond words. I remember those day. It’s pretty shady though. I think all the excitement (dread, even) clouded the memory. But around the week that those universities said they would post the results, everyone in class have pretty much the same question—although worded in different variations—“Did you get the letter?”, “Have you checked the results?”, “Have they posted it yet?”, “Didyou get accepted?”, “You’re waitlisted?”, “Which major did you get accepted into?” For a lot of us, it felt like the most exquisite form of torture.
I cannot remember whether which university released the results, but I remember getting the evelope. It was the big one. YES! I should only mean one thing—I got in. Then there were friends who got the regular long envelope which will have letter what says one of the two: waitlisted or have not been accepted. The second university released their letters and sent them to the school—which was horrifying, because the moment you come back fomt the high school office, everyone just kind of crowd around you to see if you got in. I got mine a little later than others; I think they messed up the names or something. But I remember going to the HS office, only to be “welcomed” by the stern secretary’s stoic expression as she says, “We don’t haveyours yet.” That worried me. Does that mean I didn’t get in? A few days later though, I got the letter. Another bog envelope with the university’s logo on it. WOOOOO! I GOT IN! The third and fourth to release the results were a bit more of a hassle though… and also embarassing.They post the results online and in the univesity. So you either have to check online (I never did, because I wasn’t sure where it was) or go to the university (but I didn’t have to, because everyone else who checked have already checked for everony else’s name on there). To make the story short, I got in all four, in the fields I wanted.
After that, the dilemma was in chosing where to go. I crossed out the university on the fourth spot. Top one was generally the best university in the country and has what I wanted, and it was also the cheapest among the three…but then the other two universities were the pioneers in the respective fields that I got accepted into.I had to make a smart andresonable choice. Different people said different things that all made sense. It was then that my Mom told me what to do—explicitly, not implicitly. She said that if I were really I good writer, I can become a novelist even without majoring in Literarure. She, along with the rest of the family convinced me that Computer Science was the more reasonable choice—taking into consideration the economic status as well. So I did.
Introduction to Microbiology
– Microbiology is the discipline of science which deals with the study of It organisms that require magnification to be observed (>.1mm)
– Study of organisms too small to be seen by the unaided eye
– these organisms are relatively simple in their construction and lack highly differentiated cells and distinct tissues
* Despite the fact that viruses are not considered living organism (they cannot live on their own and must find a host to survive), they are still studied by microbiologists.
– Microbiology extends to all phases of biology and is the central point of the contemporary fields of biotechnology and genetic engineering.
– Microbiology employs techniques such as (1) sterilization (2) the use of culture media – that necessary for isolation and growth of microorganism.
• Microbiology, unlike other fields of biology, is distinguished by the size of the organism being studied and the techiques used in the study of the organisms
What are microorganisms?
– They are generally smaller than human eye can detect and belong to each of
the five kingdoms:
Monera, Protista, Fungi, Plantae, and Animalia.
Microbiologist primarily study the first three kingdoms
– The subjects of microbiology bacteria, algae, fungi, and protozoa (which are cells) and viruses (which are not cells).
– The majority of microbes exist as single cells or clusters of single cells; however some are multi-cellular existing as filamentous multicells. These organisms are not as complex as animals and plants.
Two Basic Types of Microoganisms:
– Prokaryotic and Eukaryotic
– Pro (before) caryos (nucleus)
– Eu (true) caryos (nucleus)
• prokaryotic cells lack a true membrane-delimited nucleus
• eukaryotic cells have a membrane-enclosed nucleus, are more complex morphologically and are usually larger than prokaryotic cells
COMPARE AND CONTRAST:
Prokaryotes include the bacteria and cyanobacteria which were formerly classified as blue-green algae.
– They possess a simple architecture that does not contain sub-cellular organelles.
– The typical size of a prokaryote is about 1um diameter.
Eukaryotic organism possess a complex cellular structure.
– Contain membrane-bound organelles such as mitochondria, lysosomes, endoplasmic reticulum and golgi bodies.
NOTE: PRINCIPLE OF COMMON DECENT –the idea that a common ancestor gave decent to everything, thus the presence of similarities shared within and among the three different domains of life.
The 3 Domains of Life:
1.Bacteria 2.Archea 3.Eukarya
prokaryotes: BACTERIA and ARCHEA
eukaryotes: protozoa, fungi, algea (EUKARYA!)
Domain Bacteria – all procaryotic
- most are single-celled
- most have peptidoglycan in cell wall
- can survive broad range of environments
- most are non-pathogenic and play major role in nutrient recycling
- cyanobacteria produce oxygen as a result of photosynthesis
Domain Archaea – all procaryotic
- distinguished from Bacteria by unique ribosomal RNA sequences
- lack peptidoglycan in cell wall
- many found in extreme environments
- no pathogenic species known
Domain Eucarya – all eucaryotic
- animals, plants and eucaryotic microorganisms
– Microorganisms include protists (unicellular algae, protozoa, slime molds and water molds) and fungi
– Most are larger than procaryotic cells
Viruses (NOT part of the 3 domains of life. There are only 3 )
- smallest of all microbes
- cause a range of diseases including some cancers
more info on viruses:
– Represent a unique class of microbes
– They are considered neither prokaryotic nor eukaryotic.
– They are not even considered CELLS.
– They are informational parasites, a piece of bad news wrapped up in a protein.
– They are only considered to be “alive” when they are inside another living cell
– They are described in terms of their transmissible state as a virus particle.
– Viruses exit for every group of organism known (including bacteria) and they are typically less than 0.2 um in diameter.
Protists are like single-celled animals. The most common organisms within this group are the algae.
– Algae are a diverse group of microortganism that range in size from microscopic single cells to very large, macroscopic seaweeds and fresh wate filaments.
– Algae are plant-like in that they contain chlorophyll and are capable of converting light to energy through photosynthesis.
– Fungi are eukaryotic microorganisms.
– They are not photosynthetic and include yeasts, molds, and mushrooms.
I have finished it 2 days ago and have scanned all the pages yesterday(thank goodness for the free scanning access at the university!), but am yet to have them printed out. I’m still trying to work my way around expensive copiers and maximize my cheap resources.
Do tell me what you think.
If you personally knew me, you would think that I am one of the most outspoken people you will ever meet. A little too much somtimes, that words escape my mouth before I could censor them. And when you are someone that I am really comfortable with–i.e. one of my close friends– then you would know that there are times when I forget to employ the concept of “social contract”.
However, the things I say out loud aren’t really everything that I wish to say. Ironic or even down right contradictory as it may seem, I rarely ever say anything serious… I rarely ever let out thoughts that are well thought through… the things that I have actually reflected on and analyzed are usually written on paper or in some electronic form somewhere, or in between the lines of my written works…
it is because i am not comfortable with who I am just yet. What everyone see is the PUBLIC SELF (simple psychology term in even more simple words: who and what I let you think I am). This id not to say that I do not show my real self, but that I, at this point am only willing to let everyone else into certain facets of the wholeness of who I am (forgive my sentence and gramatical structures, as I am trying to catch my train of thought here).
So anyways, all that being said, this zine (a long process of letting go) tries to capture in witten words things that I vary rarely talk about. Things that not even my friends or family probably know.
The zine is just a bunch of letters that I have written for a specific person. They will never get to read it. Or if they do, they probably will never know it was for them. It is handwritten and are the original letters written right when those thoughts start dancing in my head. I probably have misspelled a bunch of words or scribbled wierd things on them..but that is precisely the point. In this zine, I have tried to capture the emotions and thoughts in their most raw form–with as little conscious censorship as I could let myself.
What are the letters about?
I whole lot of different things–but ultimately things that I wish I could have told whoever the letters were for. Stories that I have never been comfortable to say out loud. Stories that I can tell her/him in her/his sleep. Things I felt or thought about at the time. scribbles, doodles or drawings that I made at the time…
The reason behind making it into a zine:
I know we all do it. Like when you just feel too overwhelmed with the emotion. When you just havent completely processed everything that is going on and you let feelings overwhelm you and *BAM!* you feel the need to do something–express yourself in some way to let some of the emotions go…
Different people have different ways to deal with this. some people talk it out, some people write poetry or songs or stories, sing about it, listen to music, draw (or any other outlet we employ), as for me, I am best able to deal with these things by writing, and by turning it into a zine. I feel that I am more able to express myself. Because I hide behind my many different masks and I am unable to let my guard down. Because I am not one of those people who can let her emotions show too much. but knowing that someone somewhere will get to read it without knowing who I am, gives the illusion that someone will hear me out–which i think is one of the point of zines. Because we all want to be heard somehow.
To make the story short:
Well, ive always liked writing, and in high school i joined the school’s creative writes’ guild (CWG). they (well, we) publish quarterly zines that we distribute to the entire student body. However at the time we get a lot of censorship (no political or sexual undertones are allowed or even if they just think that you are being sugestive–even if that wasn’t what you were trying to freaken say!); Back then we couldn’t make any underground publications either even if it were just as small newsletter type zine publication because it’s punishable with expulsion (if i remember correctly)…
and because we had to live by the rules and because at the time, I was not even sure what zines were really about, we had to compromise what we all wanted to write and wrote what they allowed us to. Everything had to be a sublime play of words, always trying to hide the meaning behind everything we write.
Ever since then, i felt the need to write something completely free from censorship. And i dont know I guess I’ve just always been a deviant so mainstream things never really appealed to me. I talked about it with my cousin; how if I’m ever going to be a widely-read writer, I want it to be an underground or indie kinda thing because I’d rather be read by a number of smart, original and highly creative and non-conforming people than by a thousands of teens who will go with whatever everyone else is reading.