SO A Long Process of Letting Go 1 (or ALPOLG1), which is my very first perzine, is finally done.
-Every page is a photocopy of the original hand-written accounts and letters.
-pages are not bound, but is held together by collaged pockets, making each unique
– there will only be 50 copies and each is numbered and signed.
$3 Paypal OR 1.50 + stamps through mail.
email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org before making any payments or to get my physical address.
Every cent I’ll earn from zines and crafts from today onwards, will be saved for a plane ticket. Why? Because i am dying to get back home. So consider this as helping me visit home again.
I have finished it 2 days ago and have scanned all the pages yesterday(thank goodness for the free scanning access at the university!), but am yet to have them printed out. I’m still trying to work my way around expensive copiers and maximize my cheap resources.
Do tell me what you think.
If you personally knew me, you would think that I am one of the most outspoken people you will ever meet. A little too much somtimes, that words escape my mouth before I could censor them. And when you are someone that I am really comfortable with–i.e. one of my close friends– then you would know that there are times when I forget to employ the concept of “social contract”.
However, the things I say out loud aren’t really everything that I wish to say. Ironic or even down right contradictory as it may seem, I rarely ever say anything serious… I rarely ever let out thoughts that are well thought through… the things that I have actually reflected on and analyzed are usually written on paper or in some electronic form somewhere, or in between the lines of my written works…
it is because i am not comfortable with who I am just yet. What everyone see is the PUBLIC SELF (simple psychology term in even more simple words: who and what I let you think I am). This id not to say that I do not show my real self, but that I, at this point am only willing to let everyone else into certain facets of the wholeness of who I am (forgive my sentence and gramatical structures, as I am trying to catch my train of thought here).
So anyways, all that being said, this zine (a long process of letting go) tries to capture in witten words things that I vary rarely talk about. Things that not even my friends or family probably know.
The zine is just a bunch of letters that I have written for a specific person. They will never get to read it. Or if they do, they probably will never know it was for them. It is handwritten and are the original letters written right when those thoughts start dancing in my head. I probably have misspelled a bunch of words or scribbled wierd things on them..but that is precisely the point. In this zine, I have tried to capture the emotions and thoughts in their most raw form–with as little conscious censorship as I could let myself.
What are the letters about?
I whole lot of different things–but ultimately things that I wish I could have told whoever the letters were for. Stories that I have never been comfortable to say out loud. Stories that I can tell her/him in her/his sleep. Things I felt or thought about at the time. scribbles, doodles or drawings that I made at the time…
The reason behind making it into a zine:
I know we all do it. Like when you just feel too overwhelmed with the emotion. When you just havent completely processed everything that is going on and you let feelings overwhelm you and *BAM!* you feel the need to do something–express yourself in some way to let some of the emotions go…
Different people have different ways to deal with this. some people talk it out, some people write poetry or songs or stories, sing about it, listen to music, draw (or any other outlet we employ), as for me, I am best able to deal with these things by writing, and by turning it into a zine. I feel that I am more able to express myself. Because I hide behind my many different masks and I am unable to let my guard down. Because I am not one of those people who can let her emotions show too much. but knowing that someone somewhere will get to read it without knowing who I am, gives the illusion that someone will hear me out–which i think is one of the point of zines. Because we all want to be heard somehow.